Quick question—how does the phrase: ‘Women Get Less Exercise Than Men. It’s a Problem.’ make you feel?
Unsurprised? Annoyed? Kinda pissed off? Whether it makes your skin crawl or your eyes roll, you have to admit, it’s doing a great job as the title of a recent New York Times article by ruffling some feathers and compelling readers to get in on the conversation— as was proven by the 600+ comments left beneath the article itself.
What is the Physical Activity Gender Gap?
To summarize, the article addresses the barriers women face in maintaining physical activity which include:
Lack of access to sports during childhood (yes, it goes that far back).
Societal expectations that demand selflessness and inequitable division of labor in the home which reduce exercise time.
The pressure to workout to look good instead of feel good.
The fact that gyms don’t always feel like safe spaces.
The article ends with some “helpful tips” on how women can reclaim their exercise time and find joy in movement despite the mountain of external pressures that tell them otherwise.
Instead of feeling hopeful and satisfied, my initial reaction was… F#*K! Because as I read it, I heard the voice of every woman I know and every client I coach. Even if the title does not ring true to you, it is obvious to me in research, observation, and personal experience (as a woman and a coach who specializes in women’s issues) that this is a real concern.
The thesis of the article doesn’t feel shocking or groundbreaking, but it is incredibly disheartening—in the way that these articles always are— because it exposes a seemingly obvious problem as being far more complex than I realized, without giving me much hope that we can do enough to counteract the forces working against us. Like someone just revealed a deep, gaping hole and walked away after throwing in a few meager shovels of dirt.
Ummm… thank you?
I love articles like this for validating experiences through research and anecdotes, and for encouraging women to take a deeper look into what might be holding them back from achieving their goals—fitness or otherwise.
I don’t love articles like this for leaving me at the edge of that deep dark hole.
I already know the problem and I bet you do too. My friends know the problem. My clients know the problem. We all could have written an article like this in our sleep (which feels like a literal possibility considering we’re a bunch of multitasking bosses who never truly shut down—I had a dream about returning a pile of Amazon packages the other night and woke up very disappointed that they were still in the trunk of my car.)
Point being, I loved the NYT’s deep dive into all the tragic ways women are deprived of access, time, support, etc. when it comes to exercise because it woke something up inside me, but what I really wanted from the article was a solution… or so I believed.
The more I thought about it, the more it became clear that it’s not the job of the author to solve this problem for all of us, to rewrite our history, or to heal our relationships with our bodies, our partners, or society at large. Bummer, we have to think for ourselves.
How do we overcome the decades of experiences responsible for creating all of these barriers?
A New Approach
You’re not going to find the answer in a single article no matter how viral it’s gone, and it definitely can’t be distilled down to a “Top Ten List of Tips and Tricks” of any kind.
It’s not about placing blame, or playing the game of “Who has it worse?”—but it does seem that women are having a very specific experience when it comes to finding time to exercise. I share this next quote from the NYT article, not to drag men or make women martyrs, but simply to point out the difference in mindset in hopes that it will help women reframe their purpose when it comes to fitness.
“Men often report that they’re exercising because they actually enjoy it,” Dr. Gulati said, while research suggests that women are more likely to work out for appearance reasons, such as losing weight, which can make it less of a stress reliever.
This makes me really sad. So many women see exercise as a way to "fix" something they think is wrong with their bodies, tying self-worth to physical results. Not only can this lead to a very toxic relationship with one’s own body, but it deprives women of being able to embrace movement for enjoyment. And from a practical standpoint, if you enjoy what you’re doing, you’re more likely to create the boundaries you need around it.
Changing a mindset that contradicts a lifetime of habits built around societal expectations is obviously no small feat. I don’t have a list of tips and tricks, and you wouldn’t want it if I did. What I do have, and the way that I approach topics like this with clients, is with questions.
Your Turn: Start Asking Questions
Do you want to make exercise a regular part of your daily life?
Sounds like a dumb question considering you’re knee deep in a blog about exercise on a health and nutrition website, but it is absolutely worth answering and confirming. It’s the first step in making the commitment. So, do you accept this rose?
YES? Freaking fantastic.
Find Your Why
Here’s my rule with your why— it can start with a body goal, but keep asking yourself WHY until you get to something deeper. If this exercise doesn’t work or doesn’t make sense, listen to the “Find Your Why” episode of The FitSister Podcast.
Spend time on this question. Write it out, and then write some more. You’re likely to uncover more about your relationship with exercise than you knew was there. The following are all examples of “Why’s” that could help lead you down a helpful path:
Why is ____ important to me?
Why does _____ make me feel this way?
Why is feeling _____ helpful or not helpful?
Why do I place such a high value on___?
When you’ve done enough digging, you’ll have something that feels like your health and fitness mission statement, maybe a matra. There’s a quote from the podcast I referenced earlier where Nat (sister and cohost) did the 5 Why’s exercise so we could find the motivation she was looking for to continue exercising:
“I know that there’s a better version of myself within me. And the physical part is the first step in getting to the emotional, intellectual and spiritual places that I want to go.”
Through our conversation, Nat established that for her, the energy and focus that she needs and wants in her life to accomplish her teaching goals, writing goals, and evolving into a better person in general has to start with her physical body—that there something about that sacred physical time that is the catalyst for everything else outside of the gym.
Once you have your “Why”, it should be easier to start designing habits and establishing boundaries that support an increase in physical activity. Resist the temptation (at first) to look to outside resources to help you figure out the what and where of it all. Go back to the untapped well of information in your own mind and body. (Sorry I could not think of a less cheesy way of saying that!) It’s true, it’s all in there, go find it.
In regards to scheduling and programming:
What can I realistically make time for?
What type of physical activity do I enjoy?
What type of support do I need to make this happen, and from whom?
In regards to keeping it real:
What sacrifices am I going to have to make?
What will be hard about this?
Why is it worth it anyway?
In regards to staying consistent and motivated:
How will my life change for the better?
How might this make my life more challenging and what can I do that will help me manage those challenges?
Who can help keep me accountable?
Creating a framework for change that is based on your personal wants, needs, strengths, and struggles will help you design a life more in line with your personal values which provides a deeper sense of purpose and greater probability that you’ll stay the course.
You don’t need a list of tips and tricks, you just need to start asking questions—hard, honest, open-ended questions.
Exercise can be so much more than a solution to a problem. It can evolve from a place of self-discovery and joy rather than punishment or obligation. It’s about asking yourself why this is something worth setting boundaries for.
Do the work, question and challenge how you’ve internalized societal expectations, and cultivate a support system that validates and encourages your growth.
Most of all, this is about deciding to put yourself first for all of the reasons that make sense to you and only you. Slowly but surely, the gaping hole will start to close beneath you, leaving a foundation that supports the strong and confident woman capable of reclaiming her time and her health.
Instead of jumping on the next exercise bandwagon, or stocking up on a trending supplement, grab a pen and a notebook and start asking yourself questions.
The foundation you need isn’t lost forever—it’s just waiting for you to build it, one unapologetic choice at a time.
If you’re curious about “finding your why”, or even the tiniest bit interested in coaching, I’m always available for a free consultation call. No pressure, no catch—just an opportunity to connect.
Finally, check out the latest episode of The FitSister Podcast where Nat and I talk more about the fitness gender gap.
Love ya like a sister!
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