Will the expectation that “women can do it all” ever die? Is it helping or hurting? Are we motivated or just overwhelmed?
Today’s blog explores the possibility that an initially well intentioned movement is starting to drown us in unrealistic expectations - and how we make it stop.
I want to help break glass ceilings… but I’m oh so very tired. And everyone is hungry. And I forgot to defrost the chicken. And I missed my workout today. And my house is a mess. And we’re late for baseball. Pray for rain.
The best I can come up with is this - we can do it all, but we don’t have to. I repeat: we do not have to do it all. On our inaugural episode of FitSister, we addressed this topic after a friend reached out with the following question:
“I feel like I have a pretty good understanding of a balance of diet and exercise, but how can a full time working mom actually live a balanced life when you are so freakin’ tired by 5 pm?”
Oof. I feel that. And when I first read this question, I became fixated on the phrase “so freakin tired”. This person is totally drained, probably giving her all to her family and work, and yet feeling guilty that she can’t fit in an exercise routine or meal plan.
I picture her scrolling instagram and getting hit with posts about “easy” recipes, 10 minute workouts, and endless suggestions on how to eliminate belly fat. Imagine putting in a full day or work, caring for kids, only to be made to feel like a failure by an algorithm. That’s some bullshit right there.
Why does this tiny screen have the power to make us think that waking up before the kids for a highly curated “morning routine”, or squeezing in a workout at lunch (which we should actually really use for its intended purpose) are the only paths towards “having it all”. We’re encouraged to optimize, to hustle, and to get the most out of our day because #YOLO! Well, I have an entirely different approach for Ms. So Freaking Tired.
Instead of hustling to do more, we need to identify areas where we can do less.
It sounds like this person’s family and work buckets are pretty full. Is there any way to lighten the load of either bucket? This requires some deep thinking because I know that as a working mom, my first reaction would be to say “No. I have to do everything.”
That’s not true.
You’re allowed to ask for help. And contrary to what you or your partner might think, you are not the world’s greatest lunch packer and you do not need to keep controlling tasks that could probably be delegated or shared.
The frustration in this question is palpable (“I’m so freakin’ tired”). It’s already too much. I’m not going to tell anyone add in a new fitness routine until first exploring whether or not it’s possible to take some things off ther plate. Even the most minute task.
It’s not just about freeing up time so you can add in more activities, it’s about reducing the mental load so that you feel like you have the capacity to take better care of yourself.
Moms are the greatest problem solvers in the world. But because we’re such modern, independent badasses, we often skip the step of asking for help and just do it ourselves.
It’s hard to ask for help, it’s hard to admit that we can’t do it all, but when our environment becomes detrimental to our health, we need support to make change.
So before you schedule your workouts, build your support system and free up some time and mental energy. This might mean implementing new systems or boundaries at work, having a hard conversation with your partner about more equitable sharing of household responsibilities, or involving the kids in some of the smaller household chores. My kids set the table, fill their water bottles for school and sports, take the dog out - all very minor things, and while they aren’t major time savers, they do wonders for calming the chaos in my mind and make me feel like I’m not in this alone. That’s a big one for me.
That’s the key. You’re not in this alone. But you can’t wait for someone to swoop in and save you (and NO, I’m not about to tell you to be your own hero). We’re done doing it all, remember??!!
Find the support. Cultivate it. Work as hard at finding the support as you would on solving the problem yourself. Then and only then will you have the time and energy you need to devote to health and fitness. Clear the clutter and make room for something valuable. You got this!
Love ya like a sister!
XO
-Sarah
P.S. Click here for the full podcast episode with more insight on work life balance, and covers other topics like making the perfect breakfast, outgrowing your undies, and self-acceptance.
For a FREE coaching consultation or more information on my Nutrition Coaching services, click here.
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